Why I’m Going On A Vision Quest

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desolation-wildernessTomorrow morning I leave for Desolation Wilderness. Even though there are LOTS of wonderful wilderness areas to explore in Northern California, something about Desolation Wilderness keeps calling me back.

This time I’m going alone for 7-days with no distractions – no camera, no books, no music, no journal – nothing that could get in the way of my connection with myself, the wisdom of the Earth and the guidance of my Source. And from sundown on Friday night until sunup on Tuesday morning, I’ll be fasting and meditating and praying as I seek guidance and clarity.

Some of the reactions have been quite amusing as I explain that I’m going out into the wild world alone for 7-days with nothing to read, write, listen to, or take pictures with.

“Are you nuts?” seems to be the meaning behind the befuddled looks on their faces.

Perhaps I am nuts!

There is certainly a part of me that feels as if I”m nuts. The part of me that is scared sh-tless about heading out there alone for 7-full days. I’ve been out on my own for 4-days, and that was a long time. How will I survive on my own for 7-days? Well, I’m about to find out!

But why? Why am I taking a week out of my already quite full life to sit in silence with nothing around me other than the granite boulders, mountain water, marmots and ground squirrels and trees?

The easy answer is that I received clear guidance that it was time for me to do this. I was wondering how I could celebrate my 45th birthday in a way that would symbolize the transition from the very challenging period of my life that I am moving out of  and into the new phase that feels expansive and peaceful. And it was clear that this was the perfect time for a Vision Quest.

And what, exactly, is a Vision Quest?

black-elkA Vision Quest is an initiatory experience or rite of passage. It is most often associated with Native American traditions, though almost all indigenous cultures have some form of vision quest. There are as many ways to quest as there are cultures. But, regardless of how one quests, the purpose is the same: To seek personal growth and spiritual guidance from the world of Spirit and the wisdom of the Earth.

Here is what Black Elk wrote about the Vision Quest:

A Vision Quest is an experience of deeper understanding of Nature and Spirit. It is a ceremony practiced by American Indians. To prepare for this “insight” one must first cleanse the body and mind by going through an Inipi or sweat lodge. Then with the help of a Holy Man is told certain things and must go to a spot, usually on a holy mountain, and stay 2 or 3 days. During this time no food is eaten and one does not sleep but spends the time in deep prayer and observation. Many times, but not always, there is a vision. This vision is then shared with the Holy Man to help learn of its meaning. Sometimes the meaning is not shown for several years afterward.

I will quest in the Lakota tradition. On my second day out I will find a spot that calls to me, a space that feels sacred. I will prepare my questing space by smudging the circle, setting up my prayer ties for protection, placing my water and laying out my sleeping pad and bag. Everything else will stay outside of my questing circle.

After a light dinner, at sundown on Friday night, I will enter the circle and I will not leave the circle until after the sun has come up on the morning of the 4th day.

While I am questing, I will meditate, pray, probably do some crying as I shed old beliefs and patterns and thoughts about who I am. And if I open myself enough I hope to receive guidance and perhaps a clear vision of my path. But, whether or not I receive a “vision” I know that this time will bring me into a deeper connection with my true self and my Source.

The Vision Quest is a powerful tool for personal growth because it integrates a deep connection to nature with solitude and silence.

If you have ever been on a silent meditation retreat, you understand the power of silence to catalyze great shifts in your awareness.

Likewise, if you have ever spent any extended time in nature, alone or with others, you understand the power of the Earth to awaken long dormant wisdom.

The wilderness has always been a place where humans can connect with spirit and seek answers to questions and solutions to problems of the physical realms.

But all of this still has not answered the question of why I am going on this Vision Quest.

Certainly the answer I gave earlier – that I received guidance to quest at this time – is not a clear answer. But unfortunately, that may be the best answer there is at this time.

Admittedly, this is a time of some inner turmoil and confusion for me. I have been questioning my path, my purpose, my meaning. I have been struggling to understand why I am here. Certainly, I would welcome clarity and a deeper understanding of my purpose and the next steps on my path.

I am also experienced enough to know that I could come down from that mountain as confused as I am now! As Black Elk said, “Sometimes the meaning is not shown for several years afterward.”

Will the meaning be clear to me when I return, or will I have to wait several years? I will let you know!

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Inner Guidance, Personal Growth, ritual 

A Simple New Year’s Eve Ritual – Letting Go And Calling Forth

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[Author's Note: This is an updated version of my New Year's Eve post from last year. Enjoy.]

For much of my life I didn’t quite “get” New Year’s Eve. I was never much of a stay up late, drink yourself silly, wake up with a hangover type of guy. It probably didn’t help that, when it came to drinking, my friends gave me the nickname “No Mas” because of my tendency to get a bit, how shall we say, obnoxious, after one beer!

So through high school, college, and into my early working years, I didn’t really fit in with most of my friends and acquaintances when it came to New Year’s Eve. I tried to fit in, but I always felt like something was missing or wrong. It seemed to me that there was or should have been more significance to the turning of the year than we were giving it with a few drinks and some casual conversations about resolutions.

So it was with a great sense of relief and even a sense of homecoming, that I learned about other ways to celebrate and honor the turning of the year.

So for those of you that are interested in alternative New Year’s celebrations, I thought I would share the simple ritual that we use to welcome the New Year. This ritual is deceptively simple, but surprisingly powerful. I have done this ritual camping alone in Point Reyes, with my wife in our living room and with about 40 other friends and acquaintances.

Your ritual does not need to be associated with a particular religion or belief system – although it certainly can be. We bring in elements from our Judeo-Christian upbringing as well as elements from the indigenous cultures we have studied. Usually it all flows together. Sometimes it doesn’t. But it always works in some odd way.

The bottom line is that, if your intention is clear, there is no “wrong” way to do a ritual.

Over the past several years, our New Year’s Eve ritual has evolved and changed, but regardless of the specific form it takes, there are really just two key steps:

1. Letting go of what you don’t want to carry into the New Year

2. Acknowledging and welcoming your intentions for the New Year.

It really is that simple: What do you want to let go of? And what do you want to call forth?

For instance, you might want to let go of a non-supporting belief such as “If I focus on getting rich I’m being greedy,” or a self-sabotaging pattern such as promising to do things and not following through.

And, in the New Year, you might want to call into your life a new job or career, a new relationship, more money, a tropical vacation or a child. Be careful with that last one. My wife and I, independently, called a child into our life on New Year’s Eve five years ago. Melissa was pregnant less than 6-weeks later!

The specifics of the ritual are up to you. It can be as simple as first creating a clear image of the things you are releasing and taking some time to “feel” them leaving your body and your life and then creating an equally, or even clearer, image and feeling of the things you are calling into your life in the New Year.

This ritual can also be quite involved. Three years ago we had a crowd of almost 40 people crammed into a friend’s house. As a group, we took the time to create sacred space by calling in the four-directions, the elements, and the Ancestors. Then three of us drummed while the entire group sang. One-by-one each of us went to the fireplace and offered our intentions to the fire.

I can assure you that a group ritual such as this amplifies your intentions dramatically. But you don’t need forty people to create a powerful ritual. When it comes to ritual, the point is not how large the group is or the specific things you do. The most important element of any ritual is your intention and commitment.

So perhaps this year, even if you are at a raucous New Year’s party, you can take some time to slip outside to let go of what you with to leave behind and call in your intentions for 2008.

And however you spend this evening, I wish you a safe and joyous New Year’s Eve and a New Year filled with ever-expanding joy, peace and abundance.

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Intentions, Personal Growth, ritual 

How Do You Connect To The Divine?

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Adam Kayce over at Monk at Work has started two very interesting conversations. The first, How Do You Orient to The Divine, has generated some very insightful comments and inspired me to ask yesterday’s question about my Coaching with God blog.

And today’s entry, I’d Rather Be Rich Than Right, made me think of my own journey from a deep questioning into a deep connection with the Divine.

My struggle to come to terms with my relationship with God, Source, the Divine (use whatever term you choose) continues to this day, but it seemed to come to a head perhaps 10-years ago when I first read The Conversations with God Books by Neale Donald Walsch.

Soon after reading those books I was inspired to write a song (I was a performing songwriter at the time) that I called Thank You God. It was, and is, a beautiful song (unbiased opinion!). But it was over 2-years before I had the gumption to perform that song in public.

My upbringing in a middle class, Jewish suburb had exposed me to a religous experience that seemed – to me – devoid of any spiritual depth. I’m sure there was some true connection there, but there was no doorway through which I could connect with that spirituality.

So for me, the term God became associated with a religion that was all structure but no substance. So how could I perform a song that thanked God? It felt hypocritical.

By the time I wrote that song I had no problem acknowledging my connection with the Divine. I felt connected to Spirit or Source through my intuitive training and my ritual training with Malidoma Some and Francis Weller.

But the word God still felt off-limits.

I don’t remember what shifted for me on that evening when I decided to share my song. But it was a truly empowering moment for me. As I performed the song, a friend who had brought along some drums, jumped up to the front with me and started drumming. It sounded great. And it felt great!

The Divine, Source, Spirit, Great Mystery, God… The name doesn’t matter. It is the feeling that matters. But my resistance to the word God was creating a barrier to my connection with the Divine.

In that moment when I sang Thank You God, I released a big piece of that resistance and claimed a deeper connection with the Divine.

And I have been consciously striving to deepen that connection ever since!

So let me ask you:

What term do you use for the Divine?

Do any of the words that we use to call the Divine cause you to put up walls and resist your connection to the Divine?

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Books, Intuition, ritual 

A Simple New Year’s Eve Ritual

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For many people, New Year’s Eve is a time for champagne, confetti, dancing and a headache in the morning. For most of my life, this occasion held very little attraction. Even, or perhaps especially, the time I spent the night shivering and overwhelmed by the crowd in Time’s Square, I have felt very little connection to our culture’s rituals for this holiday.

But for perhaps the past ten years, I have found a way to make New Year’s Eve an occasion to enjoy and remember. Occasionally alone, more often with friends, I have participated in a New Year’s ritual that has much more attraction and meaning for me.

It is a simple ritual, one that can be done even at a raucous party. There are only two steps;

1. Acknowledge and release what you do not want to bring with you into the New Year,
2. Acknowledge, clarify and open yourself to receive those things you want to call into your life in the New Year.

For instance, you might want to release a non-supportive belief such as If I put too much attention on getting rich it means I’m greedy, or a self-sabotaging pattern such as promising to do things and not following through.

Things you might want to call into your life could be: A new job or career, a new relationship, more money, a tropical vacation or a child. Be careful with that last one. My wife and I, independently, called a child into our life on New Year’s Eve four years ago. Melissa was pregnant less than 6-weeks later!

The specifics of the ritual are up to you.

It can be as simple as first creating a clear image of the things you are releasing and taking some time to feel them leaving your body and your life and then creating an equally, or even clearer, image and feeling of the things you are calling into your life in the New Year.

This ritual can also be quite involved. Two years ago we had a crowd of almost 40 people crammed into a friend’s house. As a group, we took the time to create sacred space by calling in the four-directions, the elements, and the Ancestors. Then three of us drummed while the entire group sang. One-by-one we each went to the fireplace and offered our intentions to the fire.

I can assure you that a group ritual such as this amplifies your intentions dramatically. But you don’t need forty people to create a powerful ritual. I have done solitary New Year’s rituals that have been equally powerful. My wife and I have performed a New Year’s ritual on our own that was life-transforming.

When it comes to ritual, the point is not how large a group. The point is not the specific things you do. It really comes down to intention and commitment.

When I studied ritual with Malidoma Some and Francis Weller, before every ritual they would remind us to Spend it all. What they meant was that the more we put into the ritual the more we would get from it.

When you empty yourself fully in ritual space, there is more space to be filled up with new energy and more of the positive intentions that you are calling in.

So if you choose to do a ritual tonight or in the days following this New Year’s Eve, see if you can “spend it all.” Empty yourself fully of those beliefs, thoughts and actions that no longer serve you so that you can be completely filled by the new beliefs, thoughts and actions that will support you in the coming year.

However you spend this evening, I wish you a safe and joyous New Year’s Eve.

And may 2007 be a year of ever-expanding joy, peace and abundance.

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Deliberate Creation, Law of Attraction, ritual