Stepping out of the comfort zone – literally

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My daughter took her first, unassisted steps last week. At 2 ½ years, this was an extra special moment for us. Ella has a slight delay in her left side, so she’s a bit “behind the curve” in some of her development. We like to say that she’s on “Ella Time.” Of course, Ella Time doesn’t always align perfectly with Mommy and Daddy time. So when she decided it was time to walk, the sweetness of the moment – watching her take those first tentative steps across the room – was incredible. My proud daddy heart nearly burst open.

But I’m not here to bore you with my proud daddy moments. Nope. I’m here to offer you thoughts and observations that might come in handy on your evolutionary journey. And I’m sure you’re wondering how Ella’s first steps might do that? Well, it’s not actually the steps that I want to focus on; rather, it’s what has happened since those first steps.

Clearly, Ella can walk. She knows that she can get from one place to another in an upright position, without holding on to anything or anyone. But since those first steps, she has been extremely reticent to do so. She still loves to “wah,” but she still wants something to hold onto. She’ll walk around and around the dining room table holding on to the edge. She’ll walk from chair to chair. She’ll walk pushing her cart. She’ll walk from one object to another. But when she comes to a space where there’s nothing to hold onto, she’ll drop down and crawl or skootch her way to her destination.

Ella is at the edge of her comfort zone. And every time she takes a step on her own, she is, literally, stepping out of that comfort zone.

The other day, my wife and I were playing with Ella, encouraging her to walk back and forth between the two of us. As she took off from Melissa, Ella would take a few steps towards me, eyes open, confident, and then the fear would come. She’d close her eyes and stumble forward blindly into my outstretched arms and we’d both roll back onto the floor in a pile of giggles. The laughter and fun encouraged her to continue, to push through her fear, but it was clear that she was stepping into territory that was uncomfortable for her. She was stepping into an unknown and unsafe place.

Her hesitance to do this thing that she clearly can do and clearly wants to do has given me the opportunity to explore the places in my own life where I am “working the edges” of my comfort zone, the places where I have been unwilling to step out of my comfort zone and into a new experience or awareness.

We all have our comfort zones, and, at any given time, we tend to have specific areas where we are actively “working the edges.”

One of the edges that I am working is my relationship with money. Until recently, my comfort zone with money could best be described as “just enough.” I’ve managed to get by financially, but never a whole lot more than that. Just enough is comfortable for me. (I’m not going to get into the whys and wherefores in this article, perhaps in a future edition).

Moving out of my financial comfort zone is taking a step from surviving to thriving, from just enough to abundance. Sounds simple and attractive enough, but just as I see the fear in Ella’s eyes when she comes to a gap between two chairs, that step for me into financial abundance feels like a giant leap over a gaping chasm with a roaring river crashing three hundred feet below. (Ok, maybe that’s a bit melodramatic, but you get the idea!)

As an outside observer, I can watch Ella and think, “She wants to walk. She knows how to walk. Why doesn’t she just walk?” But for her, the internal process is quite a bit more complicated than that.

And so it is for each of us as well.

Fortunately, there are effective tools to help us move out of our comfort zone. And one of the most effective tools is the simplest: awareness.

Most people work the edges in a state of unawareness. The edges show up in our lives in unexpected and usually unpleasant ways. But by discovering the edges that you are working, and focusing your attention upon those edges, you take back a measure of control over the pace and the manner at which you can work the edge.

What edges are you working? Where are you feeling the resistance of your comfort zone? What changes do you say want in your life but are having trouble creating?

See if you can clearly define one or more of the edges you are working. The more clear you are the easier it will be for you to take steps out of that comfort zone and into a new, more expansive expression of who you are!

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Blocks, Comfort Zone, Fear, Money, Parenting 

The Images of Money

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“If money was a person, who would it be?”

Drew Rozell asked me this yesterday during the Inner Circle Coaching Group that he leads. When I checked in, I immediately saw an imposing, conservative looking, older man, dressed in a suit and tie, obviously wealthy, and, at least to me, unapproachable and intimidating. In his presence I felt diminished, withdrawn, and I wanted to stay that way. I did not want to be seen by this man. The thought of being seen by him made me cringe, as if his attention would make me even smaller.

It was quite an image, and quite a revelation for me. Money has never been the focus of my practice. And that lack of focus has shown up through a rather inconsistent flow of money into my life. Some months there’s plenty, other months there’s not a whole lot. Seeing this image explained why true abundance has eluded me up to now.

At the beginning of the year, I made the commitment to shift my focus more towards money. Not that money would become the reason for what I do, but that it would become a welcomed aspect and benefit of my work.
When I connected with that old, unwelcoming man image of money I knew I had some shifting to do.

Who would I replace that man with? Who would I choose to represent money?
The answer literally came running to me in meditation.

The new image of money I choose to embrace is a young boy, perhaps eight years old. He is running around a playground, blissfully enjoying the sun and the swings and the jungle gym. He is beckoning me to join him, to play with him, to revel in the wondrous innocence of childhood and the abundance of the world around us.
There is so much freedom in that image. The feeling reminds me of the scene in the movie Hook when Robin Williams finally remembers that he is Peter Pan and takes off flying out over the sea.

For me, connecting with money from a place of innocence and joy and playfulness feels so much more inviting than from a place of conservative, stodgy seriousness. After all what is money for if not to expand the ways in which I can play in this life?

So when it comes to money, from now on you’ll find me at the park, swinging on the swings and sliding down the big spiral slide and generally have a grand old time.

And by the way, this image of money asked me to let you know that there’s always room for more playmates at the park!

I hope to see you there.

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Abundance, Blocks, Feelings, Joy, Money 

Resisting my Purpose

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In my Coaching with God session yesterday, I explored the resistance I’m encountering as I move into a more complete alignment with my purpose. Today as I sat, still feeling the inner struggle, reflected by a sense of fatigue, I looked up from my desk to see a wonderfully vibrant rainbow. It reminded me of the beauty inherent in every moment and the purpose that infuses my every action – even when I might think otherwise.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this resistance to aligning my life with purpose. I see it in my clients and friends and family. In the past I have fought this resistance. Now I see that fighting it just leads to more of it. By fighting the resistance, I match its energy and vibration, thus attracting more of it into my life. “Like attracts like!” Or, in this case, you could use the negative corollary, “What you resist, persists.”

As I sat, watching that rainbow fade away, I could feel myself letting go of my resistance to the resistance. I know it sounds a bit strange, but as soon as I allowed myself to accept that resistance, it immediately began to release.

The resistance I feel to living on purpose serves a truly valuable function: It lets me know when I am close to my purpose. In the past, when I have been walking on a less purposeful path, this resistance has not been present. Sure there have been other uncomfortable symptoms and signs. But this specific resistance is clearly responding to my increasing alignment with purpose.

And so I welcome this feeling of resistance. I welcome this particular signature of fatigue. For I know that when it is here, I am getting closer to a life aligned with purpose.

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Blocks, Deliberate Creation, Fear, Feelings, Law of Attraction, Personal Growth 

The old interior angel

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In his poem The Old Interior Angel from Fire in the Earth, David Whyte writes of an experience he had trekking in the mountains of Tibet/Nepal. Alone, he came to a deep chasm, spanned by an old bridge:

“The taut cables snapped
and the bridge planks
concertina-ed
into a crazy jumble
over the drop,
four hundred feet
to the craggy
stream.”

He stops and sits, afraid to cross that expanse.

How many times have I stopped at a chasm, afraid to cross and discover the wonder and mystery that awaits me on the other side? How many times have I sat, paralyzed, unable to move forward, unwilling to go back? How many times have a waited for an old interior angel to come awaken within me the courage to cross?

That angel is always present on the inside. It’s just that we sometimes need her to show up in the outer world to remind us.

For David, that angel took the form of:

“…the old mountain woman
with her stooped gait,
her dark clothes
and her dung basket
clasped to her back.”

Who…

“went straight across
that shivering chaos
of wood
and broken steel
in one movement.”

We all have the interior angel. And, from time to time, we all need that angel to step into physical form and lead us across that shivering bridge. And if we are paying attention, that angel will show up. What form she might take, we cannot know.

“One day the hero
sits down,
afraid to take
another step,
and the old interior angel
limps slowly in
with her no-nonsense
compassion
and her old secret
and goes ahead.

‘Namaste’ ["I greet the God in you"]
you say
and follow.”

Here’s to following that old interior angel across the rickety bridges of our journey.

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Blocks, Emotions, Fear, Inspiration, Joy, Poetry 

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