Habits are Good Except When …

1 Comment

light_switch

This morning I watched my daughter as she turned on the light in the laundry room so she could get a sweatshirt for school. There are three light switches outside the door. She started at the far end and worked her way down to the correct switch.

It was interesting to realize how much of what we do in our lives is habitual. When I turn on the laundry room light I take it for granted that it’s the switch closest to the door. I don’t have to think about it. I hardly even have to look at it.

Ella still does. The knowledge has not been hard wired into her brain yet. She has not repeated that action enough to create a neural pathway, so every time she does it, she still has to think about it and “figure it out.”

Those hard wired neural pathways create the habitual patterns that are extremely beneficial in our lives. Can you imagine if you had to figure out how to tie your shoes or read the paper, cook an egg or start your car every morning?

And you think it takes you a long time getting ready for work now?!?!

Most of us don’t have to think about those things: We don’t have to bog our conscious mind down with the minutiae of our daily tasks. Our subconscious mind takes over and handles those details. And that’s a really good thing… Except…

Except when the habitual patterns – the hard-wiring in our brains – keep us doing things that are NOT beneficial to the creation of TRUE Abundance.

Lately, I’ve been paying very close attention to the hard-wired patterns in my life. I’m evaluating them to see if they are serving me – moving me towards a life of TRUE Abundance – or sabotaging me – holding me back from TRUE Abundance. It’s a very interesting exercise if you feel like trying it.

Basically, you bring consciousness back to as many of your daily activities as you can. It’s a practice in presence. How conscious can you become of the normally unconscious actions you take throughout the day?

You might want to start with just 10-minutes. Try spending the next 10-minutes being fully conscious of every action you take. It’s not as easy as it sounds!

Last night, as I was working on the online community site for the 30-Day Abundance Quest, I got to experience just how tenacious these hard wired patterns are. I have long known that perfectionism is one of my biggest stumbling blocks. And as I worked on the site I realized just how strong its grip is.

With my trip last week and then all of the downtime my hosting service has been having I was working on the site late last night so it would be ready for today’s official launch. On a conscious, intellectual level, I knew that the top priority was to get all the functionality working correctly so that the community members could login, access the program recordings and resources and start connecting with and supporting one another.

But even as I “knew” what I “should” be doing I felt an irresistible urge to work on the design of the site, to make it look good and get the cool bells and whistles installed and working. It was a great opportunity for me to take another step in deconstructing that hard-wired neural pathway.

At times I felt like I was in the middle of a big tug of war: My unconscious mind was urging me to indulge the perfectionism and work on the “nice to haves” while my conscious mind was urging me to get the core functionality in place so the site would be ready to go today. Each time I felt the unconscious pattern of perfectionism starting to “win” I stopped and took a Breath Break and brought myself back into presence.

Where do you go into unconscious, habitual patterns that hold you back from TRUE Abundance? Start paying attention, become an investigator into the habits of your life. And when you find a habit that holds you back, start to bring more consciousness to it.

Try putting in a “Breath Break” before jumping into your unconscious actions. Email is another one of my self-limiting habitual patterns. So I’ve added a Breath Break before every email check. Every time I feel the email urge, I stop and breathe. After the breath I ask myself if I really need to check email at that moment. Will checking email move me towards or away from TRUE Abundance? If the answer is away, I don’t check it.

Where could you use a Breath Break? Give it a try and let me know how it works for you!

Your partner in TRUE Abundance.

Edward

PS. If you do have habits that hold you back from financial abundance, the 30-Day Abundance Quest program is perfect for you. Over the next 30-days you’ll take short, simple actions that are specifically designed to transform your unconscious patterns of scarcity and lack into conscious patterns of abundance and prosperity. And you’ll be supported every step of the way by me and by the amazing community of Deliberate Creators who have joined the 30-Day Abundance Quest Community! We just began today, and it would be great to have you along on this journey into TRUE Abundance!

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Abundance, Perfectionism, Personal Growth, life hacks 

Does the Pain of Deep Trauma Ever Go Away?

7 Comments

Author’s Note: This is a very personal article and before you get to it I want to share a few thoughts and disclaimers.

First, this is based on my experience at a workshop this past weekend so it’s still fresh and a bit raw and probably not my best writing.

Second, if you have never experienced emotional release work, please don’t let my experience scare you away. Not everyone has such intense experiences – although many do – and the potential benefits are huge!

Third, while the work I did this weekend addresses the deep emotional wounds I carry, neither this article nor the work itself is meant to encourage what Caroline Myss calls “Woundology.” I believe the vast majority of us carry wounds from early childhood traumas. Woundology is a victim-based place where you seek – usually not consciously – to hold onto your wounds and to blame the circumstances of your life on past traumas and the people involved in them. Emotional release work, on the other hand, addresses those wounds in a positive manner that acknowledges their presence, seeks to diminish the “charge” they hold and minimize the influence they have on your thoughts and actions.

So with that in mind, here is the article.

This weekend I participated in a very powerful workshop called Naka Ima. My first Naka Ima experience was ten years ago and after that one I wasn’t in a big rush to do it again! But a few weeks ago when a good friend mentioned that there was another one coming up and that she would be participating, my inner guidance system started going off and it was clear that I was supposed to be there.

With my birthday journey to the Grand Canyon beginning tomorrow, my time felt a bit compressed but I could sense that a big shift was possible at Naka Ima. Just as I sense that there is something waiting for me at the bottom of the canyon, some letting go or opening up or insight or … I don’t know. But whatever happens down there, the Naka Ima work has been great preparation for the trip.

Letting Go!

Naka Ima is about letting go of core attachments and the work can be quite intense. On both Friday and Saturday, in the “Triad” work, I had deeply cathartic emotional/somatic releases.

Now before I share my experience I must admit that I have been avoiding any kind of emotional release work for quite a while. I’ve done a LOT of it over the past 10-years and I’ve been feeling frustrated that, even after doing so much deep – and I mean DEEP – personal work there always seems to be more. I was questioning whether emotional release – ritual or breathwork or this Naka Ima work – was the answer.

How many times do I need to go into that abyss of grief and anger, despair and rage before I reach the bottom? Does the pain ever end? And if it doesn’t what is the point of re-experiencing that trauma?

Those were some of the questions I had going into the weekend and I voiced my doubts to Deborah Riverbend – the facilitator. She assured me that in all the years she has been practicing and teaching this work that she has NEVER seen a case of “never ending grief!” According to Deborah, the pain does end. You do reach the bottom of that abyss.

That was extremely wonderful to hear and I’ll keep you posted as I continue to explore this work about whether or not I’m the one exception! ;)

We all have wounds

Most of us carry wounds. Some are extremely deep, some not so much. There may or may not have been a specific traumatic event or incident. But whether you were abandoned, betrayed or abused, neglected, rejected or smothered you most likely have some inner wound that influences your thoughts, feelings and actions.

Like me, I’m sure you’re pleased to know that there is an end to the impact that wound has on your life. You CAN release the charge and start living free from the unconscious impulses of that wounded place within you.

On the first day of the workshop I dove right in and worked with the grief I carry from my adoption once again. My story, that my mother “didn’t want me,” that I was abandoned and betrayed, unwanted and unloved, has deeply influenced the way I create my life. The story seems to weave its way into just about every aspect of my life even after more than 15-years of intensive personal work. So on Friday afternoon, when we moved into our “triads” I was feeling very ready to drop in and let go.

By now, I’m quite skilled at going into emotional release. I can tap into the vein of grief very quickly, perhaps because it is still so close to the surface. So moving into the grief was not a problem. But I was encouraged by one of my triad partners to “find my edge.” She wondered what would allow me to discover a new, deeper place of release and healing.

Are you willing to be seen in your woundedness?

I quickly found the edge: Was I willing to be seen, really seen, in my grief?

Closing my eyes, curling up in a ball and letting the pain come out is pretty easy for me. There is a sense of comfort in that space, a familiarity that feels welcoming.

Staying connected to my partners, looking into their eyes as I was deep in the pain and anguish of the adoption experience was terrifying. To see and feel their love for me as I was expressing my woundedness was almost unbearable. I felt an overwhelming urge to close my eyes, to curl up into that protective ball and run from their love.

But I stayed there with them. I allowed their eyes to anchor me to the present even as the cellular memories in my body were fully immersed in and releasing the pre-verbal trauma from my adoption.

newborn-babyAt some point the process moved into a spontaneous “rebirthing” experience. As my body began experiencing and expressing the trauma of my birth it became difficult to know where the emotional pain ended and the physical pain began.

At times it seemed like I was experiencing the birth from my mother’s perspective. The involuntary movements of my body and the ripples of pain moving through my belly seemed to reflect a mother’s experience during labor and birth.

It actually makes sense that I would have “encoded” my mother’s experience in my cellular memory. After all, in that moment, we were still connected, still “one” being. Our experiences were merged and so, too, perhaps did our cellular memories become merged. So releasing her pain from my body was a welcomed blessing.

Welcome to a world of love

As the intensity of the experience began to decrease an image flashed into my mind of the “welcome” I received into this world. In that image I saw myself looking into the eyes of my mother for the few minutes she held me before I was taken from her arms. As I looked, I saw and felt her fear and pain, anger and anguish.

There was love there also: hidden, dampened, muted and merged into the other emotions. And as that image flashed into my mind I knew that it was time to experience being born into a world of love. I wanted to “come out” to welcoming, loving eyes and arms.

So I asked for that experience, I asked to be rebirthed into a world surrounded by love and acceptance rather than fear and anguish. And my partners made it so. They bundled me up in blankets and laid on top of me, creating pressure as if I was still compressed inside the birth canal. Slowly I pushed my way out and into the light and into their welcoming arms and eyes and hearts.

Because my body was so “in the experience” of the birth, that reenactment, even though it was not very “realistic,” had a major impact on my psyche. I obviously cannot change the actual events of my birth, but I can reprogram my memories of that moment.

You can re-create your memories

In essence I was “tricking” my mind into re-membering my birth experience. Brain researchers have discovered that memories are extremely elastic. Contrary to what researchers believed until quite recently, memories are not fixed. They are fluid and mutable: The very act of remembering something actually recreates the memory.

So why not take advantage of that mutability and consciously recreate the memories from a traumatic event? If I can insert an experience of being welcomed with love and joy into my birth memories, maybe I can shift the way those memories influence my present day thoughts and actions.

It’s certainly worth a shot!

One thing I do know is that after this weekend I feel much lighter, more open and receptive to the love and blessings in my life. I can still feel the remnants of the grief swirling around inside of me and my body feels like I took it out for an Iron Man Triathalon (well maybe only a Tin Man)! But my psyche feels so much more present, awake and engaged in this moment.

I’m looking forward to deepening that presence while I’m down in the “womb” of the Earth – the Grand Canyon later this week. And I’m looking forward to celebrating my Re-Birth-Day while connected to her nurturing, loving energy.

So does the pain ever go away? Does the grief ever end?

Deborah Riverbend believes it does. I’m hopeful and open to trusting her. And I’m very willing to experiment with my life. I’ve made a commitment to follow this rabbit hole down, down, down and see just how deep it goes. I’ve made a commitment to participate in as many Naka Ima triads and other emotional release processes as I possibly can over the next few weeks and months to see if I can find the bottom of this hole.

I’ll let you know!

Leave a comment below and let me know your experience with Emotional Release: Have you found the bottom? Have you discovered a place where your trauma no longer holds an emotion charge?

I won’t be able to join the conversation until I return from the Grand Canyon next week. But I look forward to hearing your thoughts when I get back!

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Adoption, Emotions, Personal Growth 

The 5-Keys to Manifesting TRUE Abundance in YOUR Life

1 Comment

True Abundance is your birthright. It is who you REALLY are!

On some level, you know it. You “get” that abundance is your natural state and that it’s supposed to come easily and effortlessly.

But this world – this “real” world” – that we live in is not (yet) set up to nurture that abundance. So most of us find ourselves living lives that are slightly (to very) out of alignment with true abundance.

In order to re-connect with that true abundance – our natural state – we must “reverse engineer” it. We must look at True Abundance and say, “Ok, that’s where I want to be, and this is where I am. Now how do I get from here to there?”

5-keysThere are 5-Keys that open the doorway to TRUE Abundance. The 5-Keys are:

  • Vision
  • Intention
  • Belief
  • Vibration
  • Action

These 5-Keys are not complicated or difficult. In fact, each one, on its own, is quite simple.

The complexity comes when you try activating all 5 of them at the same time. It’s not that it gets so much harder… it just gets a bit more complicated trying to keep track of all of them – like a juggler who keeps adding in more balls… the pattern stays the same but the concentration needed to keep them all in the air increases.

I’d like to share these 5-Keys with you as well as the exact steps you can use to activate them in your life right now!
When you listen to this series of short audio recordings, you’ll have everything you need to create your own Abundance Quest!
Go get these recordings now so that you can start activating these 5-Keys in your life and manifesting a lot more of what you want!
These 5-Keys will open the doorway to YOUR True Abundance… as long as you do activate them in your life!
The 5-Keys to Manifesting TRUE Abundance

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Money, Personal Growth