WARNING: Scabiness and Graphic Anatomical descriptions Below

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Over the last few months I’ve been watching my fingernail go through an amazing transformation. Back in May I crashed my mountain bike and crushed the tip of my finger. Can you say, “Ouch?”

Within a few days, the nail turned a beautiful, solid gothic black. It was fun having my daughter’s friends come up and say, “Did you paint your fingernail?” NO!

I’ve kept thinking that the nail was going to fall off. But it never did. It just kept hanging in there until, finally, I thought that maybe it would reattach itself and heal.

bleeding injured boyIn the past couple of weeks, though, it’s finally started disconnecting from the back side. And now I can see the tip of a new fingernail growing underneath the old one. It’s fresh and new and only comes about halfway up to the tip of my finger.

It’s reminded me of how a cut heals. Have you ever wondered what purpose a scab serves? I mean, those things can get pretty gross after a while. You know, bubbly, brown, and, just… well, scabby. Why can’t we just get rid of them? Why do even need them at all? And the why the heck did our mothers always yell at us, “Stop picking at your scab?” (But I bet you kept picking at it anyway, didn’t you?)

The thing is they really do serve a positive purpose. That gross, puffy, pussy, icky stuff (and those are all technical terms, by the way) protects the new skin that’s growing underneath. Your mom was actually being helpful when she told you not to pick at those scabs: If it comes off too soon, the skin underneath is thin and sensitive and just not ready to protect itself yet. It’s not ready for the rigors of the real world. It still needs the protection of the scab until it toughens up a bit.

For the past few weeks I’ve been going through a pretty “scabby” phase in my life. And it’s been difficult to not “pick at the scab.” It’s so tempting to try and rush through this space.

Whenever we hit a bumpy, “scabby,” spot on our personal journey, it’s pretty normal to want to rush through it, to peel that scab off and get to the new skin underneath. I mean, who wants to sit in the scabby stuff?

But when you rush through the rough patch it’s just like pulling the scab off a wound. It might feel good at the time, but the new growth underneath isn’t quite ready for the light of day. The new awareness, the new belief, the new way of being, is not quite ready for the rigors of the “real” world.

The rough spots you go through in life are your personal growth scabs, they keep your tender new growth safe until it’s ready to come out and play in the world.

Have you ever wondered why you keep coming back around to the same personal growth lessons? Often the reason is because you rushed through the scabby phase and the new growth underneath wasn’t quite ready for the world. So it gets re-injured, another scab forms and, voila, you’re right back where you swore you would never be again.

Of course, then you also have the added frustration of the voice inside your head saying, “Why the heck am I back here again? Why can’t I just get over this?” And that voice gives you even more incentive to rush through the scabby spot.

Don’t do it!

“Stop picking at that scab!”

Sorry, I just had to channel your mother for a minute! ;)

But seriously, as difficult as it is to sit in your stuff, to be in that scabby spot, if you can let yourself just be there, for as long as it takes for the new growth underneath to get ready, you’ll end up saving yourself some return trips to that particular scabby spot!

My fingernail is almost ready to come off. It’s temping. I can see the new nail underneath. It seems like it’s hard enough and I can’t even tell how the old, broken nail is still hanging on. Every time I start playing a fingerpicking song on guitar that old nail gets in the way and it’s really tempting to yank it off.

But I’m not. When the time is right, it will come off.

As I’ve been sitting in this personal growth scabby spot it’s been REALLY tempting to rush through it. And I’ll admit that there were a couple of days when I was doing everything I could to try and push through it. Didn’t work! Still here.

But now I’m willing to be here. And while the external circumstances haven’t changed, nothing has changed on the outside, I’ve relaxed into this scabby spot, knowing that, just like the fingernail, when the time is right, I’ll move through it.

So if you happen to be in a scabby spot right now, see if you can settle into it and let the scab fall off naturally. I guarantee you, it will. And the funny thing is that the more you can relax into the scabby space, the faster that new growth underneath will be ready to come out and play in the “real” world.

This is one time when not rushing will actually accelerate the healing process.

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Fun, Personal Growth 

Serious Spiritual People Suck!

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cistine-chapel-2All right. I admit it. That title is a bit harsh. But I guess I’m qualified to write it, since the person I’m mostly talking about is myself! You see I spent a significant portion of my life being a serious spiritual person. And most of the time, when I was serious, I sucked!

And yesterday I caught myself falling right back into that sucky, serious, spiritual space and I didn’t like it! My daughter was in a great, goofy mood, and I just couldn’t meet her there. That, old, core belief that to be spiritual you have to be serious had taken over the controls again and all goofiness and fun was out the window.

The problem many of us spiritual people have, is that our models of spirituality are all serious. Think about it: have you ever seen a picture of Jesus smiling? How about God? Any candid camera snapshots of the big guy in the sky cracking up?

And how about bible stories? When was the last time you had a good belly laugh while reading that good book?

Eastern religions seem to have a bit more lightness. Think of the laughing Buddha statues. I love those. And yet, when you read the story of the Buddha’s life there doesn’t seem like there was a whole lot of goofing around happening during his lifetime.

What’s up with that? Who made the rule that spirituality and fun and joy and laughter and lightness don’t mix?

I realized just how much of a core belief this is for me just now when I watched a video of Ken Wilbur talking about Big Mind or the part of us that is the observer, detached from the events in our life. As I dropped in and tried to find that Big Mind space in me, I realized that I didn’t want to find it because if I did, I believed that I would have to spend the rest of my life being serious and stoic and removed from life.

That doesn’t really provide a whole lot of motivation to go and find the Big Mind!

So I’m embarking on a “Lighten Up Francis” campaign for spiritual people – especially myself! (And if you don’t get that reference you obviously missed one of the classics of contemporary western cinema!)

Let’s bring some lightness and laughter and, yes, even silly goofiness into our spiritual development.

I mean, how’s the serious thing been working for you? If you’re like me, not so well!

There actually are some examples of light-hearted, deeply spiritual people. When I visited Agape a month or so ago, I was cracking up. Michael Beckwith was smiling and laughing and joking… And it was one of the most deeply moving and transformational experiences I have ever had at an organized religious event.

The emergence of Rumi and the light-hearted Sufi poets as spiritual models is another example.

dalai-lamaThe Dalai Lama also seems to exude a lightness in the midst of his profound presence. You often see him smiling or grinning. And sometimes it sure looks like a pretty mischievous grin, if you ask me!

And what about all of these new – and not so new – spiritual development practices that are filled with light and lightness? Transformational dance workshops, tantra, high-energy intensives (think Tony Robbins) laughter yoga, karaoke seminars (well, I haven’t seen any karaoke seminars yet, but you get the point). We’re beginning to recognize that spiritual development can actually be fun.

In fact, I’ve come to believe that the more fun you have, the more joy you experience in your life and in your spiritual development practices, the more you actually develop spiritually!

Now some might say we’ve gone too far, that the pendulum has swung to the other side and there is too much lightness and indulgence in our modern spiritual development practices.

Well how about if we all just stand up right now and moon those folks!

So the pendulum has swung. Big deal! Pendulums do that. And we sure do need a break from the super serious spiritual systems of the past.

What can you do today to bring some lightness to your spiritual practice? How about listening to an old Steve Martin recording during your meditation practice? How about playing Weird Al Yankovich songs when you teach your yoga class! Alright, maybe that would be too far!

But seriously… no, scratch that… see if you can find a way to merge fun and spiritual practice today. Let me know what you come up with. I’d love to hear about your Lighten Up Francis adventures!

Posted by Edward Mills | Filed Under Personal Growth